News of a death in Yellowstone has sent shockwaves across the globe. The death of a person, though? Nope. People die all the time. Nothing special there. This death involved that of renowned ladybear, 399. Already in her golden years, the beloved sow was struck and killed by a motorist driving a Subaru. And white people are losing their minds.
You see, white people-especially gen X and later, love two things: Subarus and Grizzly Bears. Especially Grizzly Bears.
The economy? Nope. Try what bear 873 ate for breakfast. The brink of world war 3? Oh, please. How about bear C3P0s battle with addiction and recent divorce? Now we’re talking.
Quick to blame anything besides an over-dependance on humanizing things that aren’t human in order to cope with the existential throes of life (believe me, I get it), the group is now pointing a finger at Subaru for making the death machine that took 399’s life.
“We used to like these hippie-mobiles, but following the loss of 399, we’ve now decided Subarus are nothing more than reliable, economical, Grizzly killers. We also think the people who own them are murderers. And, yeah, we’re swarming social media for justice!”
Passionate, guttural, and all-wheel-drive. That’s life in a nutshell. And while the death of an apex predator is never something to applaud, just remember- if 399 could have mauled and eaten you, she probably would have. And that’s enough for a smile.
Rest well, mama bear.
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